It's a beautiful day, why is he still in bed

I can't believe he is missing this clear and bright beautiful day. It could not get any prettier unless a rainbow magically appeared out of the blue sky. And he sleeps. I am tempted to ring his phone to wake him up.

Why did he pick now to quit smoking

20,000 on a home improvement loan, contractors take 6 months to complete two jobs, trying to keep my job, no more money for more home improvements, parents aging, family visiting, dogs sick, work hectic for him, and a vacation with nothing planned so far. With that all in mind, in the middle of madness, my husband decides its too expensive to smoke, and that is the only reason he is quiting. Not for the fact that he could already have lung cancer(it runs in his family), it irritates and enrages me to no end when he smokes around me, causes me sinus problems. No he quits cause he finally realized after smoking since he was a teenager that it costs money. Wow is he bright. So now the fighting begins: He can't quit so he takes it out on me. Starting petty arguments, not letting me read by putting the television on, getting mad at the dogs, when he didn't let them out. When is it going to end? At what point will he realize that all this madness will only lead back to him smoking again. Meanwhile, I'm starting to get frown lines on my face and no longer want to be around him.

Complaining about the heat does nothing.

I woke up in a shear panic this morning, thinking Gosh what did I do? I promised my cousin we would go swimming today. Then in a panic thought, its too hot to even go out of the house today, genius. But I promised. And at least I won't have to spend the day alone like yesterday. Which I was able to read a great book and meditate for a time. So no complaints there. I just want to be cool and I want the garage door to be left closed while they are working on the house. Thats all I want. Keep the windows and doors closed while its sweltering outside. I have a slight obsession with hot weather. Just one of the many things I can't control so I wish and ponder and day dream about winter days.

You are what you eat

Ever hear of the saying, "You are what you eat." I thought I was doing right by my body when I ordered a bagel with bacon and cheese. I took the egg off because Mcdonald's eggs always make me sick. Well the bagel did the same. I've ate the same breakfast for 4 years at least once on the weekends. I was so sick for about 2 hours. I wonder if I had put the same ingredients together at home myself I would have the same result. I practically dropped the bagel a few times because of the grease on it. Never again. It was on the holiday Fourth of July. I want independence from making bad choices in what goes in my body for time and hunger sake. Made me nervous all day that I would be sick again. And then I wake up to find my husband had reset the thermostat to 74 degrees and it was sweltering in my house. Have to keep it at 68 in the hot days so it stays cool all day, if we keep it at 74 and have to change it. It takes longer. Anyone know about air conditioners? Anyway. Even my coffee tastes not so delicious in this sweltering house. I feel like putting ice cubes in it and me for that matter.

I saw my neices and nephews for about 4 hours today. They have grown up so much. But not to the point where they didn't enjoy the big super soaker squirt guns I bought them. They were dripping wet by the time it was all down. These are great kids. I'm so proud they are in our family. James spent the day with the dogs and went to church. So proud to have him in my family also.

I wish I wasn't so freaked out about hot weather. I don't like it unless I am in a pool of water. It has to get better right? 90 is not my favorite number for the visit from the Nashville Family. It's going to be unbearable. What can I do?

Wednesday Over the hump day

So Murphy's trip to the vet is proving successful. He is responding to the meds and he seems more comfortable. They really want to go for a walk. James does too apparently. It's been an intersting day at work to say the least. I accomplished all that I wanted to do today, and met two nice people who would like to work with us.

Vet

So we're at the vet today when my dog Murphy goes into a slight seizure. I said, "wait, you have to wait." Then told the vet that we were afraid to give him the ear medication because it could potential cause deafness. What he said next completely surprised me. He said, "at this place, we never argue with the mothering instinct, because most of the time its right." I started to get sad because I can't have children. And I'm hoping the empire waist sun dress I had on, did not make me look pregnant. Double Whammy. Ouch. James assured me, that because we carried the dog in and were acting like we pamper him, that is why they said that. Not because they thought I looked pregnant. So the first thing I did when I got home was go for a nice long walk. Just to make sure the almost mistake of thinking I'm pregnant doesn't happen again.

Yoga Confrontation

I was surprised when one of my yoga instructors approached me after class. On Sunday, one of the participants of the meditation confronted me when I mentioned my husband put me on a "financial diet." She implied that he was oppressing me and if I work I should spend whatever I want. What she didn't know is that I do have to have more self-restraint as far as spending goes. And me getting a separate account will allow James and I to be closer. Less fights about money. It works. She came from an oppressive marriage and was fighting for all her possessions. I feel for her. My prayers are for this girl tonight. She deserves better. And in my heart, even though she semi-embarrassed me, I would want her on my side.

Sunday

James, my husband, accused me of criticizing him from the moment I walked in the door. All because I asked him to keep the garage door closed because it will now take all night to cool the house off. He left it open for three hours during the 90 degree weather. Grant it, I was not home helping him. I was off doing a healing meditation with Crystal Bowls. (I don't work in heat that high, its bad for your heart and can make you dehydrated fast.) I asked what he thought his part was, he didn't get it. All he heard was me gripping about that and the fact that his back hurts so bad he can not stand in a normal posture, and he constantly crosses his legs while standing. I know I'm critical of him as far as these two things go. But for the record. Its really hard to cool off this house once heat gets in. The air conditioner doesn't reach upstairs and I'm old and hate heat. And he knows this. Urgggh I have to stop. Gripping about the garage door will not make him close it any faster. I'm frustrated.

Sunday

Oh it's going to be a hot one today. I'm planning to go to a meditation at Sterling Yoga, I always feel protected after the meditations. So James is still sleeping, all the dogs are too. I'm working on worksheets about fear and anxiety and giving all your worries up to God. I often times don't remember to do that. I just have to be mindful in the future. I was feeling mighty creative yesterday, now today, I'm just feeling hot. So we shall see how this day goes.

Church

So I'm at church, on time for a change, and an old lady comes up and instead of sitting beside me, sits on me. It was only 90 degrees in church today, I sure needed a cuddle, not. So I call her "scooter" cause every time we got up or sat down, she scooted closer to me. By the end of mass James was outside smoking and I was sitting in the middle of the pew. I started out on the end of the pew. Is this a sign from God?

Noon show down with the weather

Any one at work, at home or who has ever met me knows...I have an aversion to hot weather. So I thought. Since I started Yoga last year, I am finding I like hot weather. Not extreme, but mid eighty's is agreeing with me. Every breeze is a blessing and I'm finding activities like going to the pool on my own or relaxing out in the yard with a book have become staples in my existence. I am no longer complaining to James that I don't want to do anything. The secret is drinking lots of cold ice water, and keeping your body temperature cool by submerging yourself in a pool of water. Awesome.

Number Phobia

Does anyone else have a Number phobia? Mine is the Number 26. It's 13 x 2. Which is double the trouble. Nothing ever good seems to happen on 26 days. Interesting to see what other people think. I'll blog today on all the wonderful things that happen today. Maybe it will turn my superstitions around.

New Life

What makes life good? To me watching my husband sleep peacefully without the worried look on his face. Other things include seeing my dogs come in from their nightly walk, completely happy and content that they have accomplished something great. The look of total satisfaction gets me everytime. For me personally, Spending time with another human being, any human being, makes me happy. I love discovering people. Listening to their views on life, on other people, on how they live their lives. Hearing them tell their life stories. I love it.

So this is my first post ever

June 26, 2010 ~ It's been a lonely morning, the dogs won't even get out of bed to spend time with me. But I have my black and white cow Kitty sitting with me. I just read the most interesting quote "Somehow I can't believe that there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. this special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C's. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionably." Walt Disney
Boy, could I ever use some confidence in my life. I guess I could just fake it till I make it. I prayed this morning that God would put someone in my life that I could help. When I'm helping people I'm not sad, I'm not fretting. When I'm engaged in an activity wether its picking out fabric for a new dress, or attempting to teach my neice Yoga, I feel good and confident. that is what I need.